Skip to main content

On This Day...

This was the first photo I saw when I opened Facebook today. 




They do a great job of reminding you where you were and what you were doing this time last year, 2 years ago and on and on. Most days it brings a smile to my face. Some days I feel a pang of nostalgia and longing. Other days I feel nothing at all.

Today was different. I looked at this picture and the date and thought, "Holy shit. This picture of my low riders 'waiting for dad' would be way less cute if anyone had ANY idea what was going on at that point in time."

Two years ago, we had just decided after months to stop trying to have a baby and get a divorce instead. I was in this state of fuzziness. Not knowing if it was really REAL. Not knowing who to talk to. Feeling the weight of the failure of my marriage and the absolute fear of what was a very uncertain future. I was in auto mode....going through the motions of everyday life, posting our "happy" little family on social media and praying to God that this wasn't reality.

It was months before we would tell the majority of our friends and family and I wouldn't move out until December. It feels like a lifetime ago and, thanks to social media, I vividly remember how it felt to sit in that chair and take that pic with those sweet pups.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Goodbye.

 “I don’t know if I should congratulate you or console you.” - Craig “How about both?” - Me This was a conversation in our kitchen earlier this week. After a year and a half of weekly therapy, I had my last session with my therapist Tuesday. Not because I was over it or because it wasn’t working or because he retired. Nope. Because we got to a place where we could both say I’ve got the tools I need to move on. I have to say that there is no timeline for therapy and every situation is unique. I moved on from intensive therapy with my therapist because that it was worked for ME. I am certainly no expert and I have a feeling this isn’t the end of my therapy forever, but I do know that my experience with the right person allowed me to heal in ways I literally never thought possible. And it gave me the experience of a healthy “goodbye”. I was never prepared for that, so when we set an end date (not-so-coincidentally my Nanna’s birthday), it was hard to process. No one talks about

November 19th

There's apparently something about November 19th and changes in my life... 2 years ago: moving out of the ex's house 1 year ago: announcing that I was making the big move to beautiful Colorado Today: planning my next big adventure! After 2 years of major life changes and constant adjustment, I'm finally feeling like a settled human being. So, I've decided that 2018 is going to be the year I push myself physically and mentally. 2 half marathons are on the schedule along with the most exciting part: a multi day bike adventure with an assisted athlete here in Colorado in support of The Kyle Pease Foundation !!  I've learned enough about myself that I will not agree to push myself hard physically for any length of time unless there is another person who is behind the WHY. Doing this in partnership with another athlete who necessarily wouldn't be able to otherwise, is enough to get my ass off my couch and get it done! Details are still being worke

Daughter.

When you're estranged from not one, but basically both parents, the heaviness of that can still be palpable. Most days, most weeks, and months even, it's fine. I've learned to navigate questions like, "Where do your parents live?" or the weird feeling in my gut when someone says, "Oh, my mom sent me this from this favorite place of mine." I've learned how to adjust to Mother's and Father's Days by staying off of social media and doing something that makes me happy like getting out into nature. Some of these times are better than others. Here's the thing: whether or not the choice to go no contact with the two people who were supposed to show you all the basis of love was good or not, is incredibly difficult. Because social media is what it is, yesterday was apparently "International Daughters Day". It didn't bother me so much yesterday, but this morning wasn't off to a great start and for some reason, I felt agitated. I