Skip to main content

2018.

I'm always incredibly reflective this time of year. 

I love being able to look back on each year to enjoy the things that made them wonderful and take lessons from the things that made them difficult.

This year, quite frankly, felt like it had more difficult moments than wonderful. I know. I know. What a negative way to look at a year of growth, but it's true. 2018 was HARD. 

It has been a year of stark contrast. I've experienced my highest, most incredible highs...


In between those high, amazing times, though, I saw my darkest days. I lost everything that gave me purpose. To the point where this world almost lost me. I was ready to give it all up because almost everything and everyone I loved and wrapped myself in was gone. Almost everything. Funny what seeing a photo of someone you love at just the right time will do to literally save you. One day, I'll tell that story, but I'm not ready yet. 

I said it earlier this year that when Brucey, my furry companion and best guy who had seen me through some tough shit left, that it was because he knew I'd be OK. Almost a year (the hardest one ever) later, I believe that the Universe or God or whomever you believe in has begun to teach me a lesson.

Step 1: take it all away. Everything that gave me purpose. CHECK
Step 2: realize that all those people and things aren't my purpose...that *I* am. CHECK
Step 3: figure out how to get back to Helen. For the first time. Ever. 

I have no idea how I'm gonna get to step #3, but I've got no choice at this point. Here's what I DO know: I'm a tough, kickass woman who is full of love and wears it on her sleeve. It's time to learn to put all that good shit into action. On my own terms.

We really are nothing if we aren't learning and growing. 2018 knocked me down over and over and I'm pretty battered, but there is no way that I'm giving up. 

I believe that 2019 will see some really big, really scary, but more wonderful than I can ever imagine things. And I am so ready!

To my sweet friends and family...the ones who held me up when I literally couldn't stand another second...I love you more than words will ever be able to describe. Thank you for sticking by me.

2018, you can go fuck yourself. I'm so ready to see you go.

2019, I hope you're ready to make my 35th time around this sun the most successful yet.

Cheers to those high-highs.









Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Lessons.

I'm still in a post-ride haze: 141 miles with, 8,400' of climbing, and 130 pounds in tow through the mountains of Colorado with one of my favorite, most inspirational guys.



There's a lot to process from last week. It was wonderful and HARD and life-changing. My Big Bike Adventure with Hank. All of it is too long to ever share in a single post, or ever probably, but I'll try to give you some snippets as I recount our ride together.

For now, I'll share some lessons I've learned in no order of importance.

Lesson #1: There will always be lessons. The thing I love about events (and life) is that you're constantly learning. Something will always come up. The goal should be to figure it out, overcome it, write that shit down and remember it next time.

Lesson #2: Check your shit. Hank got a special bike to ride with me because he was my pusher in this. The HUGE upside was that he was able to train on it getting him comfortable in it for our adventure. The downside was …

Kebler.

I've been wanting to give Kebler its own post because it deserves it. And so do I, for that matter.

Some of you may have heard me reference Kebler. Some of you KNOW what Kebler was like because you were there. Some of you have no idea what I'm talking about, so let me elaborate.
Kebler Pass is a mountain pass outside of Crested Butte here in Colorado. It summits at 10,007 feet and passes through the Gunnison National Forest and is a mixture of paved road and gravel. It's known for one of the largest Aspen forests in the United States. It's part of my Big Bike Adventure course and has been scheduled on the third (of four) day of my ride. It's big and bold and stunning.
It's also the place I've learned (twice now) how to dig deeper than I have considered impossible. 
I went into my ride with Noah in 2018 woefully underprepared. I hadn't looked at an elevation map, or any map for that matter, before taking this on. I knew it was gravel and I knew it was going …